How To Love Your Body When You Feel Fat

 

I think of myself as a healthy person. I do exercise, eat right, and I’ve managed to lose 50 pounds. But even so, I still feel fat. Loving my body has been a challenge all my life, but I’m determined to make it happen. If you feel this way too, keep reading.

Follow my blog and join me on a health and fitness journey

how-to-love-your-body

Click to tweet this post

Although I hated exercise for most of my life, I’ve been working out almost every single day for five years. I’ve been getting up and moving my body through the hard times, the disappointments, the depression, and the life crises. If there’s one thing I’ve learned to love, that’s exercise.

After so many years of sweat sessions, you might think I look like an Instagram fitness model, but I don’t. I have fat rolls, cellulite, and a jiggly tummy. I’m not about to take pictures of myself modeling workout gear anytime soon.

This doesn’t mean all those years of exercise haven’t paid off. I may still have belly fat, but I also lost 50 pounds after my last pregnancy through exercise and healthy eating. It’s truly been a rewarding journey.

How To Love Your Body When You Feel Fat | Wonder Fabi
That’s me at the beach

I feel guilty for being fat

I love working out, but I don’t have six-pack abs or a Jen Selter butt. And I used to feel guilty about that like I should have more to show for all my hard work. I wanted to have a tight, toned body. Like all those Instagram fitness models.

That’s when I started feeling depressed. When I started writing this blog, I got a lot of comments congratulating me for having lost so much weight. Other women even wrote and asked me for advice, but I couldn’t be honest with them. I still felt ashamed of my body.

Of course, this guilt and shame eventually took a toll on me and I went back to one of my old habits. I’m prone to emotional eating, and it didn’t take long for me to start stuffing myself with chips and cookies again.

Because the truth is, to my eyes I look like a jiggly ball of blubber when I work out. When I do sit ups, my fat rolls bulge out, and my little round belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly when I do jumping jacks. Not like an Instagram fitness model at all.

How To Love Your Body When You Feel Fat | Wonder Fabi
This is what I look like when I’m doing planks

I feel healthy and strong

In spite of fat-shaming myself, I’ve never once stopped working out. I’ve kept at it. At first, it was because I wanted that toned, hard body. But now, I do it because I can’t stop doing it. After all those years of avoiding exercise, I have to admit that I’ve learned to love it.

So if I’m not toned and tight, why do I exercise? Because it makes me healthy. And also because it makes me feel happy, it makes me feel strong, and it makes me feel like a badass. Above all, it makes me feel empowered.

Did you know I can do one-hundred burpees in a row? I found a challenge online, at 12-Minute Athlete, and although it took me months to work up the courage to try it, I now do the challenge every month.

I can also do full sit-ups, and push-ups, and ass-to-the-grass squats. I can do deadlifts and kettlebell swings, and I can do jump squats and jump lunges.

I can feel my abs working beneath that layer of fat when I’m doing V-ups. That six-pack may not be showing, but it’s there and it helps me do many awesome things.

I can chase my kids around the playground without getting tired, and I can pick up my three-year-old with one arm and my fourth grader’s heavy backpack with the other. I can lift my own weight with my arms.

So if I feel so good about myself, why do I still feel so fat?

I’m not fat, I’m beautiful

A couple of months ago, I saw this video about model Ashley Graham’s lingerie show at New York’s fashion week, and I was stunned.

Honestly, I’m really not as big as Ashley, but she totally rocked those curves. So I thought, maybe I shouldn’t be so ashamed of my body.

I’ve been married nearly twenty years, and my husband has always told me I look beautiful, even when I’ve gained 20, 30, or 50 pounds after a pregnancy. And you know what the sad part is? I’ve never believed him.

Or at least not until now. I think now I know how I look like through his eyes. When he looks at me, he doesn’t see a big ball of blubber. He sees a beautiful woman. And that what I am.

I’m proud of my body

So why is it so hard for me to see myself like that? I know I’m healthy, I have the labs to prove it. I also know I’m fit and strong. So why can’t I love and accept the way I look?

I have a jelly belly with stretch marks because I’ve had three kids, two of them by C-section, and I love that I’ve given birth to them. I have big thighs and arms because they’re strong. And I have cellulite because I’ve enjoyed a glass of wine and a piece of chocolate cake more times than I can remember.

I love that life, and my body is a reflection of it. I should love my body and the way it looks. I should be proud of it.

How To Love Your Body When You Feel Fat | Wonder Fabi
That’s me swimming in the pool

Loving my body doesn’t come easy

I know accepting and loving my body is a journey. I love my body today, but I will probably hate it again tomorrow. Learning to love myself is not an easy task.

But I can make a habit out of it, just like I made a habit of working out. I can think I love my body every single day, even if I don’t really believe it. I can think it many times, and then I will start acting like I do. And maybe one day, I’ll realize I genuinely love my body at last.

One day I’ll stop thinking that I’m a big ball of blubber and I’ll stop comparing myself to a sea lion.

But right now, I think I have a long way to go.

Do you struggle with body image and self-love? You’re not alone!

Please share this post if you think it might help someone.

This post was originally published on my Medium publication, The Word Tree

Advertisements

34 thoughts on “How To Love Your Body When You Feel Fat

    1. Yes, programming the mind is a key issue, because it doesn’t matter what your body looks like, you might think it’s too fat, too thin, or whatever. But the truth is we’re all beautiful no matter what our body size.

      Like

  1. Your honesty is so appreciated. I feel like there are so many campaigns for women to love their bodies “no matter what” that it’s almost unacceptable not to love your body anymore. Being healthy is so much more important than looking great, but I truly hope that one day you feel comfortable in your skin. I feel the exact same way:)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I definitely struggle with body image. I go from being really confident to feeling very fat and insecure. I need to move more. I feel like I could be prouder of how I look if I knew I was taking initiative to eat right and move more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Taking active steps to improve your health really does help. I know I started feeling better about my body when I began to eat right and workout. I still feel insecure sometimes, but I feel a lot better than I did before.

      Like

  3. I can definitely relate. It’s so sad this is so hard for so many of us women. I hope the day we love our bodies comes soon for all of us. Afterall, we’re all amazing whether we see it or not.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Aaahhh I thought I was alone in this. I exercise every blessed week at least 4 times, Hard core sweat pouring exercise, I fast two days a week and just take fruit and water, And still have belly fat. In fact since I hit 4-0 I seem to ad a wee bit every year despite the grueling exercise routines I do…now I see Its all good and I should embrace who I am. Thanks for sharing at the Pit stop. loved it 🙂
    ~Julie Syl Pit Stop Crew

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Loved reading this. I love your comment about feeling like a badass when you work out. Yep..when I run I feel like I am Queen of the World (even if it’s MY world!) and like I can kick butt all day long. Loving your style x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think I do too. Most of the time I look in the mirror and love how I look but when the clothes don’t fit any more in my arms or bust, then I know I have gone overboard but I have never been motivated enough to do exercise continuously for 5 years. You are great and superbly committed and a strong woman, Fabi.
    I have been married 24 years and there have been days when my husband has told me I have gained weight and looked at me sadly, though not saying anything. I get angry with him when I feel he’s criticizing my appearance and we have a royal fight but the fact that we stay together after 24 years must be testimony to the fact that we love each other, no matter how we look and I don’t think we married each other for our looks, did we ? I would have married him anyway.
    But ever since I was 10, I have had a problem with other people telling me I have gained weight. Rather than my own self image, it is my imagination of how I look to other people that worries me and causes all the emotional eating I have done.Once I start a binge, then I go on and on because I have sort of given up in life and then I stop exercising too. I am so proud of you that you seep exercising even when sad.
    God bless you.
    Susie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Forget about what people think of you, that’s not important at all. You should eat healthy and exercise because you love yourself, not because you want to look a certain way for other people. Your body is amazing. It gets you around and it keeps you going. Perhaps right now it’s out of shape, but all it needs is a little TLC. But do it for yourself, because you love yourself enough to live a healthy lifestyle. Your health and fitness journey is your own, so own it. God bless!
      P.S.- I’m so lucky to have looked in my spam folder, otherwise your comment would’ve been lost forever. How is this spam, wordpress??

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi there

    Interesting read and good job on expressing yourself on the sensitive topic of body and fat

    I love this “In spite of fat-shaming myself, I’ve never once stopped working out. I’ve kept at it. At first, it was because I wanted that toned, hard body. But now, I do it because I can’t stop doing it. After all those years of avoiding exercise, I have to admit that I’ve learned to love it.”

    I blog about fitness (plus other topics) and strive to motivate people, globally!
    I would like us to connect? Visit my blog http://www.healthyliving894.com

    Kind regards
    Greta

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s